Dr. Lam is very passionate about his work and wants to hear what makes you excited about life, love, or your work. He believes that establishing a forum for you to express your positive energies will radiate to all those who are fortunate enough to read your entry.
I loved the two latest blog entries. The ones regarding our belief system and the role of our father/parent in some of the stuff we got "wrong". I tried to do that exercise you spoke of, but I could not remember a bad thing. It did not allow me to do the sort of soul-searching you made, but it was certainly not ugly to remember what I instantly remembered about my father from the times I was a kid, and how that event shaped and still shapes many decisions in my life. I am happy to say that that thing my father did/said back then was and is something that I consider utterly positive in my belief system. But this time around we should talk of what is what is probably not so good or was not so good... If I remember something, I will share it. Thanks for sharing you own stories. Wonderful-
it does not always have to be a negative thing. it can be positive too. but there can always be a kernel of truth that could be restraining our beliefs. for example, i remembered a GOOD time with my dad, eating sherbet in Hong Kong. my mom remembered a GOOD time with her dad, that he wanted to buy her a diamond rolex. so i think we can always more deeply explore what those memories mean for us good and bad and if there is anything bad (not so much bad but just restraining our thoughts and behaviors today), we can make it good. maybe you can just share what your good memory is. i won't psychoanalyze you. remember: i did not see what i was not seeing until a third party pointed something that i thought was entirely innocuous and innocent into something that had a more profound relevancy to my behavior today. thanks for the kind compliment, btw. best, sml
Dr. Lam, I really enjoyed reading the blogs about your childhood memories. It was fun going back in my mind and remembering what memories were most vivid in my mind with both my parents. With my dad, it was going to movies and lunch with him. We went at least once or twice a month from the time I was about 8 until I moved out of state at age 20. And my memory of my mom was just talking while we were in the car. We would talk about all different subjects and laugh together - we still do this! It reinforces for me the importance of creating happy memories for my children. I believe, as children, we do remember even the little things and it's important to be thoughtful about our words and actions. The ice cream cone, the movie, the bedtime story. My kids are my main priority and I try daily to instill in them the same confidence and self-respect that my parents taught me. My daughter would rather sit and have a tea party with me and my husband than have any material thing. That shows me that the time we spend with her together is valued by her.
After my parents divorced, I lived with my dad from age 7 until I graduated from high school. I remember most vividly that he always told me how much he loved me. (He still does!) He was a very strict disciplinarian, but his unconditional love for me was shown every day in words and actions. Even if I was in trouble, he would tell me "I will always love you, but what you did was wrong" or things like that. He always looked for ways to praise me saying "I'm so proud of your school work" or "You are a good friend to that person" or "You are such a smart girl" - and he never was afraid to show his emotions. My dad still to this day when I ask for parenting advice, will often say "Just love them - that is what I did with you." I never got into trouble, always did well in school, never gave into peer pressure and I believe that is because I felt loved, secure and confident because of the way my parents raised me. I wasn't looking for outside sources of approval or gratification.
Even when my parents were divorced, my father took responsibility for the break up of the marriage and told me how it was his fault and he wanted me to know that. He and my mother never talked about each other in a negative way and always told me the divorce would never change our relationship with one another. On my wedding day, I was so happy that they were both there and so kind to each other. It was a beautiful celebration with both of my parents and step parents and no negativity.
Thanks, Dr. Lam, for helping us all think about the influence of our parents. I enjoyed the exercise. I hope when my children are grown they will look back fondly on their childhood and our relationship.
Last edited by datayers on Wed Sep 24, 2008 3:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.
You have beautiful children. They also looked very well behaved for the short window that I met them. That speaks volumes about their parents. I am confident that you have imparted the same values you had from your parents. Thanks so much for sharing! Best, SML
Dr. Lam, I just had to comment on your critical thinking blog from today. It was a great one. One of the reasons I drove from out of town to have my procedure done was because I could tell from your videos and from your web site that you were not the type of doctor who was satisfied with ordinary results. You want to give your patients the best possible results. You also seem to really care about educating the public. I still am amazed that you answer questions here for people who are not your patients. That is really cool!
I also really appreciate the fact that when I asked about fat grafting you said most likely that would be something I could do a few years down the road and there were less expensive things I could do first. Many doctors would rather do the more expensive procedure because it would mean more money in their pocket. I really feel like you want what is best for the patient. Thank you for having such integrity!
The fact that you always want to learn more and gather as much data as possible before using a new technology just proves to me that I made the right choice in a doctor!
Datayers, I just want to say I love all you wrote.
It's no wonder you have nice children. Like so much, it's the 1000's of small and large things, often tedious, that you do to cultivate that. I can always tell the children whose parents talk with them, listen to them. You are so right about that tea party!
MysteryAgain, I found myself in similar situation. Only remembering sweet things. I read the blog again, gave it a go, and did come up with a 'kernel'. I didn't like it much, this. Not to say it won't be useful, as I think it may well be.
Dr. Lam-I've liked these recent blogs. I always like the blogs.
O/T, I see I've misplaced my pig. Please don't fat graft it or anything.
thank you as always for your insight and humor. i had a pig with lipstick as my image because i was in chicago 2 weeks ago and missed most of the news about the whole ruckus between obama and palin. i just walked into this lecture hall and saw this funny photo of a pig with lipstick and came back to tell my staff. my staff said, "Uh, you better rethink that one because of all the political things that happened." I said, "What are you talking about?" Since I did not have Wifi in Chicago, I missed all my new york times online that I read daily. Since I want to keep this website COMPLETELY APOLITICAL, i removed the funny photo. so please no political commentary after this response. i want to keep this site friendly. therefore, no funny picture of a pig with lipstick. just a funny picture of a pig with a leash.