LAM FACIAL PLASTICS

Wow, what an interesting entry!

It would seem very and mostly business-related at first sight, but as Dr Lam pointed, the principle applies to all "areas" where we have (or should have) some sort of meeting!

I have realized, after reading this, that I had the misconception (not that I had thought of it enough, actually!) that a meeting before a meeting often implied some sort of "cheating" because it could lead to "alliances" and "gang forming" as to later direct the meeting/subject in one direction and "gang" against those who would not have been in the "previous agreement".

I realize now that that was a silly thing to think: sure that sort of "pre-meeting" with shady purposes can take place in some environments, but in most others, talking before talking -so to speak- does not have to be tied to influencing others or censoring others, nor with telling them what to do and say and what not. It can be and should be basically informative, and, indeed, it can be a tool to optimize the meeting, and NOT to distort the evolution of it. Come to think of it, a fair, good "meeting before the meeting" can actually stop the meeting from going nowhere or, yes, creating situations where misinformed, surprised people (since many would not have been aware of some things they could and would benefit from knowing beforehand) could actually start, indeed, ganging against some, or creating simple chaos.

It made me aware, too, of the utility of having that approach in our everyday's life: for something as simple and as complex as broaching up a difficult or touchy subject, or talk about an important decision to make, with, say, your family.
If you know where others stand, more or less, before the meeting, it is easier for people to understand each other, not interrupt each other, etc. etc. and therefore come to a more satisfying conversation for everyone!

Once in a while, my SO and I decide to discuss a topic, and now I realize that a lof ot the times where the conversation slipped to territories that had nothing to do with the original topic, and/or when misunderstandings arose, most if not all of those situations could have been avoided if we had had SOME previous basic knowledge of how things were feeling like or evolving like for each partner. Even without going into details (after all, that's what the meeting is for). How many surprises and misunderstandings we could avoid by checking on how our SO's and the members of our family are doing or thinking concerning different matters before bringing them up out of an impending necessity to make a decision or discuss something regarding those subjects!

This reminded me of something I had forgotten (and should not!). A friend of mine has the good habit of dedicating each week at least one hour to talking with his wife about "whatever". They don't need to have a subject to treat, they don't wait for the subject to come up... they discuss how things have been like that week, what issues are in their minds... and in that way the yare very up-to-date of how the other is feeling and of how things are going like for each. When I think of them, I realize they are of the happiest, more harmonious couples I know. I suspect their addressing where they stand - this having those "meetings before a big meeting needs to take place" has a LOT to do with it.

Thanks for the insight and for the reminder, Dr Lam!

i was thinking m/a that when you write these thoughtful responses, you are engaging in the exact some exposition that i am when i write my blogs meaning that when you formulate your thoughts formally as you do you get more out of my blogs than most people. if i just read a book and let it go, i would probably forget about it shortly after i did as i do most books i read. now that i write on one each week, it forces me to think of the book, come up with formulated ideas then see how it applies to my life. by doing so, i get a ton more out of the book than most people. the more we think of a topic, talk about it among our friends, use it in our lives, and write about them, the more we become more insightful people and the more we remember what we learn. i think if we try to share those ideas with others through writing, thinking, sharing, we can then pull that idea out when we most need it. just my thoughts.

> if i just read a book and let it go, i would probably forget about it shortly after i did as i do most books i read.

Same with me.
Just the fact that you bring those subjects up and share your own thoughts and experiences concerning something you read makes me think of "stuff" concerning this same topic that I might otherwise have overlooked.
Sometimes we read something in a book and we say: "it's kind of obvious". But when someone (in this case, you) *pick* specific ideas of a book and elaborate on them, adding your *own* thoughts on the matter, we feel the subject becomes more personal, more real, less abstract, very much applied to you, me, anyone... because an author of a book might be "great" and renowned even, he/she will still likely feel a bit distant from us. With you, with your values, with your goals (not that we share the same, but the overall outlook on life and on learning through it)... and considering that we are cyber-true-friends, those subjects no longer become about rather anonymous people but about people we KNOW, who are like ourselves.
And that pushes us to dig further in the implications of the issues treated... bringing them back to "earth" (to our own, everyday's life).
That's why your job of picking good reading and sharing it and adding your own contribution to the matter touches us all and helps us understand the world, each other, ourselves!

> now that i write on one each week, it forces me to think of the book, come up with formulated ideas then see how it applies to my life.

Exactly! In turn, reading what you formulate when reading the book prompts me and the other people here to see how it really applies to our lives.

> the more we think of a topic, talk about it among our friends, use it in our lives, and write about them, the more we become more insightful people and the more we remember what we learn. i think if we try to share those ideas with others through writing, thinking, sharing, we can then pull that idea out when we most need it.

I concur!!!
Especially as we all, all, really have something to add to a topic. Always. Because those topics concern every person's life and that we all necessarily have thought of them -or not thought of them! - each of us with our different stories, mistakes, new learnings.

You "force" me to think and I LOVE that. You remind me of stuff that otherwise I would have buried in my head. You "force" me to connect sometimes unconnected thoughts and things I heard or read or experienced myself that I kept in my mind.. unconnected and UNused in my everyday's life.

You would not believe how I am more aware, day by day, of the attitudes around me and in me concerning topics you've broached. I have identified the "traps" and mistakes I fall into (taking things personally, not fully listening, etc. etc.) and realize too what traps others fall into, which in turn allows me to better understand others.

You really are a mentor to our minds, that, because of the craziness of our everyday's lives, otherwise go in "inertia mode" and basically... go to "sleep" *ROFLMAO*. You are sort of awakening us to subjects we might have heard about, but we are seeing again with new eyes. Each person who shares something here adds something of value to what you said.

Hugggggggggggsss

well put indeed!

Mysteryagain! I love how you write! I was thinking some of the same things you were writing about, but leave it to you be able to write it out so exquisitely! See, I told you, you were a deep thinker!

Dr. Lam, I think that’s a brilliant point you made! I’ve heard somewhere that the best way to truly learn something is to teach it, and I guess that applies to writing out thoughts or blogs. I do this in a way, but not necessarily by writing it out, but more so by thinking of how I can change whatever I am doing for the better with the information that I am taking in.

P.S. Dr. Lam, I just read one of your older blog posts on “Selling Confidence”. I just wanted to let you know that I love the way you came up with that. That is an awesome way to view cosmetic surgery!
How laudable that you are helping people gain confidence!

thanks heather! nothing too brilliant for me to add tonight!