What a nice word because what nice feelings, emotions and even facts are linked to it!
I am afraid that people often prefer to not show gratitude, think of it or voice it for one of these reasons:
a) some seem to react as if saying we are thankful for something would bring up the bad luck and make us lose that good thing we have...!?
b) others seem to think that showing gratitude is like rubbing into someone else's face what they don't have. Sure, we always must take into account that what we have might be something the other has not and a source of pain for this person. Then, some reserve is good. But from there to act as if we did not have that good thing in our life or pretend we have our lives miserable (too), that's silly. In a way, it actually conveys the message to others, to ourselves and to the world out there (in terms of vibration, so to speak), that nothing is ever enough. That no matter what, we will be unhappy or not happy enough!
c) others seem to think that showing gratefulness toward someone or something puts them in a too vulnerable position: it shows that we care about something and its impact in us, so in a way it gives "power" or implies that that "thing" has power over them. People often associate showing that something touches us or affects us with admitting a weakness. And so hide it no matter what.
d).. (and this is the one I personally find more interesting to think about... at least the one I realize is linked to a mistake I subconsciously make) some others are aware that gratitude is a good thing, but somehow (and this reminds me of the twisted logics that "if some live in abundance, then there won't be enough good stuff for everyone") assume that being grateful is like admitting or approving things as they are "in every way". As if being thankful for something implied that we are settling for whatever we have and do not have further aspirations, dreams, goals. Like if we say "this is great", we are saying "this is enough and so I won't get more". Why do we think that? Why have I thought that oftentimes?
Settling for something, ironically, does not even imply being grateful or truly content with what one already has! But if we are happy indeed or content about something, showing it and saying it does not mean we are not still seeing other areas to improve, other stuff concerning that same issue to keep on working on, more ways to get better and have MORE stuff to be content and happy about.
I guess behind all that (our twisted thoughts about "limited" abundance in the world and about "gratitude" limiting what we will further get) there is some deeply ingrained negative twist of seeing the world and life. As if being grateful or believing in abundance were tied to an optimistic-unrealistc view of life that life will make sure to "crash". As if our being positive or thankful would only make the pains to come (and sure, we always have some suffering "to come" in our lives) WORSE, more painful, by contrast.
I admit I have often made that mistake. Of not dearing to show thankfulness or admit that I like this or that and am hopeful about this or that because I fear that things will not turn out ok, or that when things won't turn out ok (regarding that matter or any other) that it will only make me feel dumb and more miserable for having been optimistic.
And I have realized in the past years that that was and is a major STUPID thought of mine.
It's like worrying. It is ok to be concerned. But worrying or overworrying about all the possible bad things to come... or imagining how bad things can turn out and have that distract us from enjoying our present DOES NOT protect us from pain. It only makes us big BIG fools that do not only NOT enjoy at its fullest the joys of the present (because we are living in anticipation the doubts, fears and possible pains of the future) but also because... well, if something bad happens, our thinking it won't make it less painful! nor will avoid it!
We can plan ahead for adversities without giving to those thoughts or ideas too much power or time. We must be ready for adversities but not "wait" for them... because sure, if we wait, they will happen! And if they don't... we would have lost so much in the meantime!
If we are grateful for something and then we lose it... well... we can always think or imagine that we might lose that "thing" eventually (hey, we lose eventually most in life!), but what would we have gained by imagining how losing that will be like? We'd rather enjoy it knowing that it can not be "there" one day but without focusing on that. Otherwise, we will lose that thing and only regret losing it... AND will have lost time not fully enjoying it out of fearing to lose it!
A friend of mine was going throug some hardship and had fell into a negative pattern of thinking... for everything! Even when a day was ok or when things seemed to get better, he would stil envision how things could turn out bad or guess when. It's always a matter of time, he said. And it was his acting that way (and how that got on my nerves) what made me realize that I was somewhat like him! No in such a marked, exaggerated way. But I also approached life with fear that the good stuff would go away. And this friend's attitude seemed so ridiculous that only made ME more aware of MY ridiculous attitudes when I did something similar. What if and when things would turn out for the bad? What? Anticipating SOME issues can make us plan ahead and spare ourselves from some bad times. But most stuff is life is stuff we can not control. So if we only think of what that is bad will happen or wait in agony for the next time life will throw us a crappy thing, we wil only be miserable then, having been miserable BEFORE... with no use whatsoever!
When I pointed out to my friend (more nicely than this, don't worry), he said: "You are being candid and only setting yourself for disappointment and further pain".
That got me thinking.
Do you know what I ended up realizing? (and answering)... "So what?". If I am cautious enough, sensible enough when thinking of the future, if I think enough of what I can and should control, then, about everything else, it is better to act candidly and "sin" of seeming too optimistic and hopeful to others than to pay the price of saying "Oh, I knew so" or "Oh, I told you it would be turn out badly in the end".
If that takes being a bit of an idiot in the eyes of others or even in our eyes used to not being grateful enough nor living in the present enough, so be it.
After all, children and looney people often are the queens and kings of living in the present... and they often seem way happier than we are. They still get bad stuff in their lives.. but they suffer less because at least they did not suffer in anticipation!
So I told myself to stop being stupid by fearing to be stupid and in turn be consciously "stupidly candid" and innocent enough to think that life is indeed good, that being thankful of everything is great, and that if things turn out badly, I will still have done the best thing. Enjoy what I had while I had it!
As far as gratitude goes ... well, I have SO much to be thankful for. This does not mean I do not have reasons to suffer or have pain in my heart, bad memories, traumas, etc. But it's not the point. What is bad or what makes the good less good or what made some nice things of the past turn out bad does not take away from how good they were nor for how good many things are and can remain.
I am thankful that I was raised in a home where I was instilled values and beliefs that make me believe that the most poweful tool a human can have to go through life is his/her Faith and Hope. That things will always turn out for the best, whether we get to understand it fully while alive or not. Whether it means suffering a lot at times or not. That eventually, everything makes us grow stronger and wiser (well, if we try to use what life throws at us, bad too, as a way of learning something).
I am thankful for having seen great people, women and men, all throughout my childhood and teenage years. That made me trust people enough and love people enough as to not stop believing in humanity when, in adulthood, I bumped into bad human beings that could have killed my faith in men, women and humanity in general.
I am thankful for God's creation / Nature. For the beauty around me, for the love one can find in appreciating and caring for that beauty, in the shape of plants, animals, landscapes, in the pleasure everything of that give to our senses and even to our mind.
I am thankful for being healthy enough as to enjoy tings in life that others can't, and yet not so perfectly healthy that my shortcomings remind me of how important caring for our health and making the most of it is.
I am thankful I never lacked of anything necessary to grow up in a healthy way (food, education, support) and yet thankful too that I lacked of so much (material, for example) all along my life. I aspire and think I can and will be wealthier, but I know my happiness does not depend on it. I am glad my not being so filthy rich from day one gave me the opportunity to understand the most simple things in life and to enjoy the simple things all while having something to aspire to.
I am thankful of all the good and BAD stuff in my life that made me think and rethink where "I was" and where I was headed, and therefore made me realize how many of my ideas of happiness were based on standards socially imposed. If I had not gone though some mini-hells, I would not have realized what my real self is and how my soul thrives in doing stuff that might not fall into the pattern of what most people do or want to do, and/or to realize that I am an ever changing person whose needs will vary and whose happiness does not depend on one specific civil or financial status quo.
I am thankful that the drawbacks of life made me realize that all it takes to be happy are stuff that depend on me and only me. Sure, I don't always succeed at making myself happy! but I know it depends eventually on me, on myself. That I must not rely or depend on others. That they keys to happiness and peace are in me, in how I face life, in how I see God's role in my life (because I am a believer).
I am thankful for the hellish times because they totally made my life turn head-uper-heels, and that, in turn, to free me from all those "scripts" I had subconsciously accepted in my mind of how a person's life should be like. It fred me from a life I would have otherwise followed but not fulfilled me and gave me the freedom to explore new paths and to realize that *that*, always having something new to learn and explore, is a huge part of my being happy.
I am thankful for having "bumped" into people, in real or ONLINE life (like the people here) who feed my desire to grow up as a person, to find the similarities in people all over the world, and see how the world is filled with people with great intentions and not only what we see through and by the media and our daily contact with the few people of our daily lives.
I am thankful for working at something that has gave me tools to learn new things that in turn help me to always learn new things.
I am thankful for the joys that indirectly my curiosity has brought me (even though I bet it brought and brings headaches to Dr Lam ROFLMAO, as he has to answer to my questions!!!!)
I am thankful for everyone two-legged, four-legged, human or feathery or furry that I have in my life and love.
I am thankful for not being a genius, what makes the discovery of the world more of like a game (it would be boring having it all figured out, and it would make me too proud!) and yet to be smart enough as to be able to always learn something.
I am thankful for all the trips I've made, the nice places I've seen, the fact of knowing and GUESSING how big of a place the world is, and how much there is to see and learn there.
I am grateful that I did not fall into some of the traps (drugs, alcohol, etc.) that would have made me lost precious time, health and energy into finding more and better ways to enjoy life or at least try to find enjoyment in them.
I am thankful that I touched bottom. Otherwise I would not have seen that I got to bounce back, against my own surprise, against all odds, against my exhaustion. It makes me believe that if I overcame that, it means we all can overcome everything. That "that that does not kill me makes me stronger" is true.
I am thankful to have realized that the worst thing in my life (and it is not that I still do not struggle with that) are my fears, and how my fears and my fear of fear ruin stuff... and that it is stupid to let that happen.
I am glad to have realized that most of the bad things I envisioned did not happen, and many good things I never dreamt of happened. As far as the bad ones I did not imagine and happened, well, at least I can say that at least something was learned from them!
I am thankful for the people who are my role models and inspire me, like Dr Lam, Memento, Heather and everyone in here.
I am thankful for all things funny, for our sense of humor, for all that makes us laugh and unwind.
I am thankful for music and all that pampers our senses, the joys and pleasures we get through our body, not just our minds.
And so on and on and on and on...
, I know others deserve the same answer or even a bigger thank you) BUT what I mean by that is that your attitude of being so thankful of those of us who participate here - anyone!- is a large reason why we all keep motivated to not just read the blog but comment on it.
) like I take generosity. As something that, when without strings attached -which is the case- speaks of the humility and sensibility of the person who has those gestures and attitudes.
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